The Laura Richer Show
“Is it Time for Richer Love?”
Season 2, Episode 1 • November 12, 2018
Hi there. Good morning. I’m Laura Richer and you’re listening to the Laura Richer show, broadcasting here on transformation talk radio and I’m very excited about today’s show because I’m introducing to you my new cohost, Peggy Bennett. Hi Peggy. Hi Laura. I am so excited to have you here. Peggy is the owner of straight to the heart matchmaking in Bellevue, Washington and this next year we are dedicated in the whole year to discussing some of our favorite topics, love dating and relationships. So I’m so glad that you’re joining me.
Oh, thank you so much. I’m honored to be here with you.
Um, so Peggy, in her practice in matchmaking as well as me and my business in the coaching, we both use the law of attraction to look at how people are attracting or blocking connecting with their soul mates. So that’s going to be a topic that we’re going to be talking about all season on this show. I’m so Peggy, I would love for our listeners to learn a little bit more about you and your background. So just start with whatever you’re comfortable with.
Okay. Well, one thing that comes to mind is, um, back in the day when I was 13, I had my first love, uh, guess how old he was. He was older. He was 16 and older man. We met at a party and we fell madly in love. Okay. We, it’s lasted for about three or four months, which back then, that’s a long time, right? My parents ended up finding out how old he was and they forced us to break up. So that was just my first like devastating. It was so wonderful to be in love, but it was the most devastating breakup. You could imagine that. And um, I remember the introverted side of me trying to soothe myself as far as writing in my diary. And then I went to the bookstore and saved money and bought my first nonfiction book on love. It shows what a old soul I am. Leo, Leo Buscaglia love. So if you can believe that. So that started, oh, at 30. I, yeah, that’s how I dealt with it. And so that started my whole journey and just kind of obsession with love and my nonfiction library.
It was your destiny back at 13 and you were researching love and tried to figure out how it all,
and then even a year later in ninth grade grade, I remember a male friend of mine, Sane, Peggy, I have the mad is crush on this girl, but I’m so shy, I don’t even know how to approach her. So I was just like, oh well gosh, I’ll take care of this. Why introduce them together? And little did I know flashforward that I’d actually be doing that as a living today. Introducing singles.
That is so cool. How old were you then when you’ve set them up? Ninth Grade. Ninth Grade. Okay. So right from the beginning. So that’s kind of comes full circle here. Yeah. Well you are the perfect cohost to have because not only do you work on matching people professionally, but you’ve also been on your own dating journey both back at 13 and and post divorce. So you’re an expert both professionally and personally.
Yeah. Well let’s, I don’t know about it. I have a lot of experience grounded it anyway. So
tell me a little bit about straight to the heart.
So, um, it is what’s called a traditional style matchmaking service and that is that I am actually work for the single gentleman and he signs up for an annual membership and I introduced them to women throughout the year. Um, these women have been completely vetted, so has the gentleman obviously, and I’m face to face, um, and thoroughly the, each of them has had discovery sessions with me. So it’s a really, it’s completely offline. So it’s completely different than an online experience. And I use my intuition and a lot of different, um, things such as looking at a similar lifestyles, personalities to create potential matches. So, very cool. Yeah.
So in your business right now, when you’re working with a bachelor, because first of all, start with this. So I was noticing some statistics online. Um, that 45% of the adult population over the age of 18 is ingle, either single, divorced, or widowed. And the online dating industry is a two and a half billion dollar industry. So obviously there are a lot of people looking for love, but I think a lot of people are running into obstacles. So when you’re working with a bachelor, how do you know it’s somebody that’s going to be ready to be matched?
So it’s interesting. I, I’m not the type of person that likes to generalize, but I have to say with men and women who are single, generally speaking, men feel like they’re a lot more ready sooner than women. Okay. So I just million dollar car. They just think that, um, men who are relationship men really like, they don’t, they don’t like to be lonely. They don’t like to be by themselves. Whereas women are like, Oh, you know, post divorce, I want to take off one, two, three years and just kind of discover myself. So, um, when I’m talking to a bachelor, he will say, well, I don’t know, you know, my family saying maybe I should wait or whatever. And I’m always saying, um, you know, everybody’s gonna have their opinions. It really depends on you. I personally don’t feel like there is a set timeframe. It’s so individualized. Everybody kind of has to go through their journey.
Yes. And it definitely, it is a journey.
Yes, yes. Yeah. And speaking of that you need to share your journey with. That’s okay. So, um, and I have, I have shared on past episodes that I got divorced when I was 35
and I went on a five year long dating journey to meets and I finally met an awesome partner. But during that five years it was sometimes it was fun. Sometimes it was terrible. It felt like a really long time being five years. So after I had that experience, I wanted to help women because I think a lot of women, especially in my age group, your age group, you know, we kind of missed a dating. I know when I was younger there was no online dating. Um, and I always kind of had longterm relationships so I wasn’t really out dating. And then I was married. So at 35, I thought, okay, well I’ve got to get out there. I guess online is going to be the way to go about that. But you know, when a lot of ways I wasn’t quite prepared for that. And so through that experience I decided to create a coaching program to help women who are like me who are post divorce and they’re running into some obstacles.
And you know, like you said a lot of times, and it’s true for both, you know, everyone is different, but a lot of times women have a lot of processing that they need to do before they’re ready to start dating. Although they might not necessarily realize that at the time I was kind of one of those people that thought like, okay, well moving on to the next thing. And there really was some self work that needed to be done before I was ready to be in a good healthy relationship. So I created my online dating program called richer love. If you want to check that out, you can go to richer love.com um, which is a 12 week program and everything that it took me five years to learn, I have put into this 12 week program so I can help women be ready to go to you when they’re ready to meet the one, um, and have cleared out all the old stuff that might be show up as obstacles when they’re dating.
Gosh, I love that. Five years packed into a 12 week through new sites and the 12 week program. So five years was kind of a long time. I’m kind of a slow learner obviously, so, uh, but, but looking back, yeah, you probably don’t really regret it, right? I mean everything happens for a reason. Don’t you feel that way? Everything happens for a reason and it was the perfect experience for me to have, but I also kind of was doing it on my own is I didn’t have a lot of single friends are a lot of insight into dating. And so I love the idea of being able to teach women how to miss some of the pitfalls that happen. So yes, but it’s all perfect if you’ve been single for one year or 10, it’s exactly what’s necessary for you. But if you’re ready to accelerate the process a little bit, I can help me out.
Right. And just have that, that guidance and not feel so alone and isolated and know that the things that you’re running into might be typical of the dating experience especially. Um, like I said in my, my age group that, you know, we didn’t, we didn’t have online dating experiences when they were younger, so it is a little bit different to navigate then, you know, just meeting your boyfriend to high school or college or where he might have met them and now online is completely saturated. Yes. So it’s, it is like a part time job just navigating it. Absolutely. And I think online is fantastic for dating. I recommend that to my clients to use that as an avenue for connecting with people. You know, a lot of people, and I felt this way myself. I’m busy. I don’t really hang out anywhere where I’m probably gonna randomly meet people.
So it was a great tool to instantly connect with other singles. But you also want to branch out to, I think, I think there’s a lot of benefit and connecting with a matchmaker at somebody who’s going to be able to work with you and work with the other person and really have some insight into why you might be a good match or engaging in your hobbies or doing other things. So maybe not only online, but it is a good tool. Absolutely. I feel the same way online is great for dating practice. Yeah. Right. And it really helps clarify what you like and what you don’t like. Yes. You know about what works and what doesn’t work cause you meet such a variety of people. Exactly. Just kind of clarifies. Right? Absolutely. And that’s part of the journey too, is you’re getting by getting clear on what you don’t want, even though those might not be pleasant experiences, you’re moving closer to what it is that you’re looking for.
Yeah. Right, right. Exactly. So that’s like you said, it’s a journey. It’s a process. And if you can look at those experiences, not, and I know sometimes I really feel defeated. I’d have as like a string of bad dates. I’m like, Ugh, God, I don’t want to go through this anymore. But if you can have the right frame of mind when you’re going into it and really think, you know what, this is just another experience that’s showing me what I want. It’s giving me more clarity. You can actually have a lot more fun. No, definitely. That’s what I learned is, um, when I was dating online, it was to have that right mindset and treat it as fun and you just never know who you’re gonna meet. Yeah. And Yeah, and I think if I remember correctly, you were, you had a different mindset than me when you started dating.
You really went into it thinking, I’ve, I haven’t been single for a while. I’m just going to practice and see what happens. I’m not necessarily looking for a relationship right off the bat and getting ready for the show. I remembered that, I’m a little embarrassed to admit this, that I was really naive when I just started is I actually got catfished oh well that happens. A matchmaker get that many management got cat what happened and happens to the best one. It just shows how kind of naive I was to the situation. Yeah. So yeah. Um, let’s in case somebody doesn’t know what cat fishing is, it’s when somebody is pretending to be someone other than they actually are on online dating and tries to engage you. Yes, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. When it’s, when it’s too good to be true. Usually when you were looking for love, you were looking for, so of course when somebody interesting comes up, how, how could you not at least have it Pique your, how did you find out you’re being catfished? Um, when it, it probably lasted about two and a half months. He was very, very good at doing what he was doing and then he started asking for money. Oh, okay. That was the red flag. Oh, never give anyone. No, I never did. I never did know for listeners to, if haven’t started online dating yet, you’re thinking about it. If anyone else for money steer clear.
Yeah, that’s, yeah. Yeah. Believe me, he, they are very good at what they do. Yeah. Yeah.
That’s unfortunate. So you do, I mean there’s good and there’s a really great people that you can connect with and then there’s as in life, there’s really great people you can connect with and there’s some Weirdos out there that you have to try to avoid. Yeah.
And besides that, that was the only thing that was kind of like a kind of wake up call. Yeah. Um, but, um, everything out. I mean, all the other guys I have met through online really have been great experiences. Did we have that connection and chemistry? Not, not necessarily, but it was a great experience because I just thought to myself, I’m only going to go into it with a positive mindset. Um, if I’m feel burnout or I just feel like, oh, I don’t want to do it, then, um, I’m going to take a break. And that’s what I suggest to people, to Dale.
I suggest the same thing. And I think that that is really important. If you feel burned out, if you’re not feeling good about yourself or feeling in a negative frame of mind for whatever reason, just take yourself out of the game for a little while. Nothing good is going to come to you when you’re dating in a negative mindset,
right? Yeah. Right. You don’t know how, who you’re going to attract. Okay.
Probably not who you want. And actually that takes me to a quote that I have here. It’s a Charles F Glassman who’s the author of brain drain, the breakthrough that will change your life. He says, before you find your soul mate, you must first discover your soul. So I love that quote and it makes me think about what we’ve just been talking about is that, you know, part of the process is getting to know yourself better. So you may not be, if you’re not, if your relationship hasn’t shown up quite yet, you might not be ready for it yet. You might still be learning things about yourself and getting more of that clarity about what you really want. And that and that, that time is just as important too. And so if you can allow yourself to have that experience without any fear, cause lots of fear comes up.
I was guilty of that when I was dating. I had this idea that I have got to meet somebody before I turned 40. I don’t know what I thought was going to happen when I turned 40, but I, you know, this is the timeframe it had to happen in, of course as it always works. I did meet someone until after I turned 40, since I had set that limitation. Um, but I think that that if I could have relaxed into that process a little more and just known that this is the, the journey that I’m on and just go with it and enjoy it, it would have been, uh, a more fun experience. So that’s what I like to teach people in richer lab.
No, that’s true. And I remember, you know, I was married for 20 years, so post divorce, I was really afraid of being by myself, if that makes sense.
Yeah. Cause you’re used to having someone around all the time. So it’s all the time. Yes. So
I just kinda didn’t want to face my stuff that was going on necessarily. So I kept busy dating. But you gotta be careful about dating for the wrong reasons. Right. Then, uh, finally I just kind of slowed down and it’s like, okay, that’s saying you got to date yourself, you know, just time and really focus on self care and take care of yourself. And
do you ever have women that you come across with that you work within your matchmaking business that you can just tell are not ready for dating?
Um, every so often I get women who haven’t gotten over there x. Okay.
Do they just tell you that or can you sense that about what do you pick up when you’re working with their energy? Okay. Yeah. Does it feel needy and desperate?
Um, I don’t know if it, I guess a little and slash bitter.
MMM. Yeah. Bitter. If that’s another time to take yourself out of the game when you’re
feeling better. That’s what I feel like it, it like they haven’t completely healed. Okay. Um, it’s, and it is just kind of a gut instinct and um, and then we talk about it and then it comes through and sometimes there’s tears and yeah, it comes to the surface once I start asking questions. Okay. Yeah.
So you really have a pretty in depth process when you’re working with someone to make sure that they’re going to be a good match for the bachelor that you’re working with.
Yeah, it’s a, it’s an hour discovery session and then I am also include Romance Angel Card reading. Ooh, fun. I know.
I that don’t know. Tell us about a romance angel card reading.
Well, it’s a deck of cards that I use and I intuitively pull out three. I’ll have to do one for some for you because you can do it whether you’re in a relationship or not.
I would love to see what the angels have to say.
Um, it is, I do it after the discovery session and it’s just kind of great talking points. Sometimes women are like, are you kidding? And they just look at me like, this is so powerful. I’ve had tears before, but at the very minimum, it’s just really good conversation to talk about.
Yeah. So it can give them a really good message or is a tool to kind of help coach them and bringing them out even more. Right.
Right, right. Cool. Yeah.
I have another quote that kind of goes along with, uh, what we’re talking about and this is Joe Fatale. Do you know Joe Vitale? I really enjoy this work and he really works with the law of attraction, um, which we will be talking about quite a bit in our series as we move forward. Um, but he says it’s really important that you feel good because this feeling good is what goes out as a signal into the universe and starts to attract more of itself to you. So the more that you can feel good, the more you will attract the things that help you feel good and that will keep bringing you up higher and higher. So that really speaks to what we’re talking about, that you were all reading each other’s energy all the time. Whether we’re worry, I know it or not. So I know sometimes when I had a negative dating experience, I was probably feeling pretty negative and I showed up as I always do, being, you know, friendly and making conversation. But I think people, we can just sense that on each other whether we’re saying it or not. So you really want to do the work to make yourself feel good, so you’re putting out that good vibe and then you will attract good circumstances to you.
Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. Um, it’s, yeah, I love that quote. And some people might think, oh, that’s kind of common sense, but it does take work and mindset to get to that place.
And I don’t think for a lot of people that I’ve worked with, and I know for myself, when I was just starting dating, it wasn’t common sense. I thought, well, I feel kind of like crap, but if I meet somebody good, then I’ll feel better. That’s a good point. Yeah. And I think that’s the mindset for a lot of people. And it’s actually the opposite of that. When I met somebody really great, when I finally met my boyfriend, I was in such a good place in my own life. I was really loving my business and my friends and, and having gratitude for all the great relationships that were already in my life. So I didn’t have like an a needy energy. I just felt good. And so then something good came into my experience. No, that’s so true. That’s so true. I worked with a very difficult client at one point in my business that she’s like, I’m just not going to feel good until somebody shows up and then tell them I’m just going to be mad about it.
I’m like, well, it’s not going to go. Very good. And so how did you deal with that? You know, she wasn’t ready to shift yet, so she was really, I don’t know if she has since changed her mind about that, but I was not able to change her thought process around that, that she would have to feel good first. But I do know during the time I was working with her that nothing good was, was showing up for her. So I think that that’s kind of how that goes. Have you had any difficult bachelor’s? I know that you do coaching with your bachelors as well? Yeah,
well it’s, um, you know, the membership they sign on to is, uh, a year membership. So it’s an ongoing, um, coaching and it’s, it’s a great actual, it’s a journey because it’s a year. So it’s, it’s just, it’s not a sprint. It’s a marathon they were on. So we just kind of discuss things like, um, post the, the first date afterwards they give me feed back and it’s great talking points on how to, um, just talk about what their impressions were of her and vice versa. And it’s just kind of ongoing. But yeah, it’s fascinating. It’s, um, we think that men for the most part are super confident and got it going on. And, you know, I don’t have brothers. I’m family,
all sisters, brothers either. So it’s been great. Yeah.
And I love men and I have to say, I just love how they can just open up to me and, and um, just really confide in me and it’s, they don’t know all the answers, you know, they’re trying to figure it out just like
we are. Right. So do you come across any maybe common misconceptions or mindsets that your bachelors or in that you work with them to shift and then they start to see positive results afterwards?
Um, Gosh, I’m trying to think of, um, I guess the biggest thing is I’ve them what I ended up coaching a lot and seen a lot over and over again is keep an open mindset. Okay. And, um, don’t, and that means on, um, physically like what they’re looking for. Um, and also just, um, don’t judge puts so much judgment in the first date. Yeah. The people’s expectations are so huge on this first date and I just think first date is means to a second date. It’s almost like an icebreaker. It’s, everybody puts so much pressure.
Yeah. On that first day. Right, right. And you can’t, you know, I would. How long do you think of first stage should last? Um,
ideally I’m, I love that right around an hour and a half. It’s not too short, but it’s not too long. It’s couple drinks and appetizers. Call it a day.
That’s what I, I think no more than two hours. So you’re, like you said, it’s just a meet and greet icebreaker, right? Just skating, just getting to know each other a little bit so you can’t make a decision just based, I guess if something went really awry you could make. And the other thing,
the thing is I, I tell singles it’s not what you see in the, on the movie screen as far as the fireworks and the chemistry and immediate, I mean, maybe that happens, but to be honest with you, that’s rare on first dates
for that tower. I can’t go as far to say that. I think that that’s a red flag. Oh, thank you. That’s what I was going to say. Some wrong. It can’t, that’s why I say it’s literally, I can say that can be a red flag. Especially if you’re looking for a longterm relationship that really hot and heavy, we can’t keep our hands off of each other with the second we meet. That’s probably not gonna it’s gonna burn out really fast. Burns out as fast as it comes on. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. Yeah, that and yeah, I’ve been guilty of
being in that. I remember going after my divorce, it seemed like I should be going to a post divorce therapist. So I went and I, I remember her saying, cause I met a couple guys just organically and she goes, you know what Peggy, I think you’re addicted to being and infatuated.
Yeah. And what did you think when she said that? I ever so slightly.
Is that okay? Like is that a bad thing? And she goes, well I think it’s just kind of a way of escaping right now. But I was like, Oh wow, okay. That’s when I, I forced myself to slow down a little.
I talk about that with my clients all the time, that the, you know, what we see in movies, these really like quick, passionate, often dysfunctional situations. Like, I think of like pretty woman for example, where he comes and rescues her from a life of prostitution in real life. That is not going to work out. You know, in real life. That’s not a situation that you want to be involved in, but it all sounds very romantic. But if that’s what you’re looking for in your, your dating experiences, some really high highs, it’s also gonna come with some really low lows and it’s not going to cultivate a healthy long term relationship.
You don’t. But in my defense, because I’ve gone through it at the time, it just kind of happened
and then the hormones start happening and you’re like, oh yeah, you know, it’s, it happens to all of us. Oh, I think so. I, and that’s happened to me before too. I think that, do you think that comes at a time though when you’re not really ready for a relationship? Yeah. Yeah, definitely. So you’re just getting caught up in maybe the drama of what’s going on, but you’re not quite ready for something healthy and long term. I think so looking back, definitely. I mean, and there’s no 100% one size fits all for everybody. Somebody has had a long term relationship born out of that, that circumstance, I’m sure somewhere in in history, but typically that’s probably not what you’re going to find. Right?
So tying back to the first dates, it’s, it’s just real. I mean, I, um, I love the whole love industry and I actually talked to couples that have had long relationships. I mean married 30 to 50 years and some of them even talk about how awful their first dates were.
I feel like. Yeah, it’s okay. Yeah. So,
so that’s one message that I really like to tell people
to keep an open mind. All right, well, Peggy, tell our listeners how they can find you if they’re interested in connecting with a matchmaker.
Oh, sure. Well, my website is straight to the heart.net. My company’s name is straight to the heart. And then also I host a podcast called reel souls.
Fantastic. And if you’re not quite ready to connect with the matchmaker yet, but and want to work on some of your own stuff, you can connect with firstname.lastname@example.org or you can go to our Facebook page, the Laura Richer show and get more information. So stay tuned for the next section of the show because we are going to be giving you the five must do’s to attract your soulmate. And we are back for more on the Laura Richer show on transformation talk radio. I am your host Laura Richer and I’m here with my cohost matchmaker Peggy Bennet. And today we’re talking about our favorite topic love.
we’re going to, me and Peggy are going to give you our top five must do’s for finding your soulmate. So I’m going to kick it off here. The first thing is love yourself and realize that you are a whole and complete individual already. So we touched on this in the last segment that if you’re feeling like you’re just feeling bad and somebody who’s going to make you feel better, that’s not going to work. You have to already feel your best. Have you found that to be true, Peggy?
Oh, absolutely. And it is, it’s a journey. I know for myself, it, it was, uh, it takes a long time, right? Um, if you’re kind of stuck in that place where you’re not feeling good about yourself, it, it takes time. But that’s why there’s people like you in this world. Right?
Exactly. Exactly. We ever richer. Love. That’s exactly what we do is get you feeling really good lighting. Go and ready to get started dating. So, you know, when I tell this, when I talk to clients about this and I say, love yourself, they’re like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know, I’ve heard that before. Whatever, what does that even mean? Um, and
it does, it sounds like an old cliche, right? But it is really so important. And I think when you dig in a little deeper to what does it mean to really love yourself, to me, what that means is that you have your own back. That you know that you’re going to make the best choices to take care of you. That you’re not going to allow toxic or abusive people into your life. Um, and that you’re going to be gentle with yourself when you’re not feeling well and put yourself out there when you’re feeling great and be bold and that you’re just really listening to your own inner voice and that your own inner voice isn’t some crazy, uh, which that’s berating you on a daily basis because that, that’s a sign that you’re not loving yourself. Right. So that’s what that means to me. And also like really knowing that you are a whole and complete individual.
You’re not lacking anything. You’re not waiting for someone to complete you. Oh yeah. Jerry Maguire. Exactly. That was cell line was a huge problem. Um, so the, you know, knowing your boundaries I think is huge too, right? Absolutely. Treat people how you want to be treated. Yes. And you don’t, and you show people how they can and can’t treat you. Yes. So people don’t feel safe to date. Sometimes I’ll have clients who’ve been in toxic relationships and, and they’ll say, well, I want to start dating again, but I’m afraid because I don’t want to attract the same experience that I just got myself out of. And so if you have good boundaries, if you say no to the things that don’t work for you, that isn’t a probably isn’t gonna happen. So what do you think Peggy, on this topic of loving yourself? Because I know it’s kind of a Cliche, you know, people kind of go, Oh yeah, I love myself. But I mean it really is very important. Yeah,
it is. I actually did, I think they call it mirror work over a decade ago because I was just an Algebra low place with my marriage and, and not feeling good about myself. So I actually did that. Have you heard of that mirror work?
No. But is it when you look in the mirror and, yeah. Is that a Louise Hay? It is. Okay. Yes, I have heard of that. And it is very, and I’ve actually tried it and it is very powerful, but it’s interesting how uncomfortable it is. It’s very uncomfortable, especially when you’re not feeling good about yourself. Right.
And you’re like, oh, is this going to actually work? But it actually did it. Like I say, it is, it is a journey to get there and, and know that it’s not uncommon to fill those feelings, but it’s, um, it’s so important to feel good about yourself and, and having those boundaries and um, yeah, it’s,
and if you don’t feel good, that’s okay too. This is just, that just means that there’s healing that needs to happen and the work that needs to be done. And so don’t feel bad about feeling bad because that’s not going to help anything but just be, be able to face those things. So Mirror work is when you just look in the mirror and say, Laura, I love you and, and I actually tell my clients to do that. Cause it can be very powerful and your level of discomfort with it. If you’re really uncomfortable, you know, you definitely need it.
Oh yeah. No, I remember just saying that and then just tears running down. But I was like, I, it was at that time where I’m like, I’m going to stop being a victim. I felt like I was kind of being a victim in my life and I’m just like, this is it. And I, I’m, I just changed my mindset and I can take control and, and do what I want to do and it’s up to me to make the difference.
Absolutely. Victim mentality never yields a positive result because you don’t feel empowered to, to change anything. So yes. So after doing that work, how did you feel?
Um, I felt great, but it took, I have to say several months to get there. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah. There is no there, you know, just depends on the person and where they’re at and how, how ready they are to commit to making changes. Beat myself, being a hypnotherapist. Um, sometimes I get clients who really are like, just hypnotize me and then it’ll all be okay. And as much as I wish that that was true and the therapy is an amazing tool and I recommend that everyone try it. However, that’s not how it works. It really is. Like you’ve said, it’s a process and a journey and it does take some time and some effort. I wish I had the three magic words to heal everybody. Yeah, that’s not, that’s not it. Um,
but I bet that is a good tool. Do you use that as a tool though?
Oh, it’s a great tool. So hypnosis, if it works with the subconscious. So we have our conscious mind, which is all the information that we’re already thinking about. All of our memories that were mulling over, over and over again and analyzing. That’s everything that’s in our conscious awareness. However, the subconscious mind has everything. So every memory thought experience we’ve ever had is stored in the subconscious mind. However, we may not be aware of it. We may not, uh, remember something that has happened. And so you think, well, why does it matter to look at that then? Well, the reason it’s important is even though we’re not aware of that information, sometimes it’s still influencing our responses and our behaviors. So you know, for, in terms of finding a love relationship, what I see with a lot of clients is they kind of have, if they’ve been in a negative relationship prior to starting to look for a new one, they almost have kind of a PTSD response to their past relationship.
So whenever, you know, maybe the guy that they’re newly dating has texted them and said, hey, I, I have to reschedule our date because you know, I have something that’s come up at work or something and they go from like, well he obviously hates me so I’m going to just block him and defend him and move on with my life. And what they’re responding to is not that this person hasn’t needed to to reschedule because most likely that’s not really a big deal, but that some, somebody has abandoned them before in a past relationship. And so it’s triggering those feelings of being abandoned. And so they’re just going from like zero to a hundred and a second. And what ends up happening is they keep recreating the same experience of being abandoned because that’s what they believe is going to happen. To have any way that’s what’s in their subconscious. So that’s why hypnosis is a great tool. And I use hypnosis co quite a bit, quite a bit in the richer love programs to help clients work through their stuff and release the obstacles that are holding them back from connecting with their soulmate, with their person that they’re looking for. That sounds so powerful. And
that kind of leads into the second point, which is, um, let go of the past.
This is very important. So tell me what your experience, either your own experience. Our clients had helped me let go of the past.
Well one. Um, sometimes I give my clients our members, um, homework assignments and if I feel like something comes up where they’re still needing a little more healing with their acts, um, I have them actual write down a letter to them. And um, just um, you write it as if you know you’re not going to be sending it to them.
Yeah, don’t send it. That’s huge,
right? You write everything and you just get raw with your feelings, write it out, and then literally have a burning ceremony. And just let it go.
I feel like that is such a good, first of all, a really helps you get in touch with what you’re holding on to something about sitting down with pen and paper and really thinking about it versus just letting it come into your mind. I think it takes you to a deeper level and then the symbolism of burning it and just like energetically just releasing that. That’s fantastic.
Yeah. Yeah. And how about, um, with your clients? What is your,
so you know, letting go is, is a very, I think forgiveness and letting go of the past is a really layered process. So it doesn’t happen all in one day. And sometimes, you know, I even know with my own experience of letting go of the past, right? Think like, yeah, I’m really over that past situation. I’ve moved on with my life. And then something may be a layer would later would trigger it. I’d think of something from the past that was upsetting to me and I’d be like, Oh wow, there’s still something there to that. There’s still a little bit of an emotional hook, a little bit of a trigger. Um, so I don’t think it happens all at once. And don’t beat up on yourself if it doesn’t, I think that’s a normal part of the process. But I have a lot of clients ask me about how are you able to let go because it just, it’s so strong for them.
Something happened 20 years ago and they’re still, so they’re living in that experience to a experience. Um, so I think if you keep focusing on the negative past, this is kind of simple, but really true. If you keep focusing on the negative things that happened on the pastor, just reliving them over and over. So I think a big, a good tool that, that you can use to move forward is to start focusing your attention on the future that you’re wanting to create in your mind. Might keep trying to pull you back into the past and be like, yeah, but remember when this happened? And, and you kind of have to have a little inner battle with your, with your mind and say, okay, I know that happened but I’m moving in this direction. So even in therapy sometimes I think it can be detrimental to continue to focus on the past over and over. And again, cause you never moved forward from it.
That’s such a good point. Right. And maybe I like how you said, when you do think about the path, let that be kind of a trigger and a reminder to create the present and future.
Yes. And notice how you feel when you’re thinking about it. Cause you know, like we, we had mentioned in the last segment, you want to feel really good to attract your soulmate. So if you’re feeling really bad, thinking about past situations all the time and you know, there may be work that needs to be done, you may need to go back and review those situations and learn from them and process them. So, you know, we can’t just skip over things in life, but at the same time, if it’s, you know, if your divorce was 20 years ago and you’re still hating your ex husband, like, like you did the day you got divorced, you know, maybe it’s time to focus on moving forward. I do see a lot of people get stuck for long periods of
time. No, definitely. So what’s the third one?
So I love this one. Um, and Albert Einstein says, your imagination is your preview of life’s coming attractions. So this, it goes along with what I said on focusing what you want to create. So number three is start living as if your soul mate is already here. And the first time I heard about this concept was in aerial Ford’s a soulmate secret. Have you read her book? I haven’t, but I know what you’re talking about. And she uses the law of attraction to, to connect with your person. Um, but she just started to live her life, feeling in love already, just love loving her friends, loving her family. I’m creating space to have a partner in her life. And she just fully expected that that person was going to show up and eventually they did.
No, I love that. I’m, I’m obviously into homework assignments because I give my clients another homework and climbing love is very powerful. It is to ride a dear soul mate letter. So you actually, and it’s pen to paper the old fashioned way and you just, you actually say do your soul mate and you can start off by saying your everything and more than I’ve ever dreamed of you. You were writing it as if he or she is in your life already. Yeah. Down to, you know, um, for instance I’m loved to kiss sub down to even kissing him or her or all those details and then you just tuck it away, put it next to your bed stand and, and then it’s pretty powerful when you do have that written and then you can end up giving it to him or
yeah, that is so cool.
But it, it actually at while you’re writing it, it does a couple things that it, it puts you really in the present as if you’re feeling it, but also clarifies to the universe what it is that you’re wanting, the qualities that you want to attract,
which I think is so important for a lot of times people don’t even have the clarity of what they’re wanting to attract. They this, they want something, but they don’t even know exactly what it is. And I was kind of like that when I was younger. If you’ve asked you what kind of person I was looking at, a guy I was looking for, I’d be like, well, you know, cute and funny. I was like, yeah. And that led me down a lot of really interesting path. So there was a little more to it than that. Um, but yeah though,
but path going down the path, right? It gives you clarity, right? Absolutely.
Yes. It definitely does. But it did. Um, so, and, and the other thing that said that I really liked that I think is such an important part of this process is to be able to feel it already. We have to already feel what we’re wanting to attract to us or cause if it feels so foreign and it feels so far away and just not possible, we just can’t line up with that. We can’t connect with that experience. Um, so yes, writing that letter, I love that idea so you can really feel what it’s going to be like to connect
with that person I think is really powerful with the emotion is I personally loved music. So, um, so you can even Google unless you have it off the top of your head, but what your favorite love song is. Okay. And even if it’s a powerful video, you can watch that and listened to that. And that gets you totally into that mindset to that.
Never heard that as an idea before. But that’s a great idea because some romantic love song that makes you feel those feelings of being and love put that on. And if you’re, if you’re looking to meet somebody and just really like, I think that state, like I said, you have to process the past, but really the more that you can focus on what it is you’re trying to create, um, Jack Canfield and author who will, this was written quite a bit about the law of attraction, says the law of attraction states that whatever you focus on, think about, read about and talk about intensely, you’re going to attract more of into your life. So focusing on what you want, not what you don’t want and already falling in love, feeling those feelings of love already for yourself, for your life. All of that is just getting you closer to what you are looking for. So number four on the list, and this kind of relates with what Jack Canfield says, quit talking about how much you hate being single, what you focus on grows.
That’s such a common thing. It’s, it’s um, and it’s can, um, unfortunately just, um, get into a bad pattern with people just complaining. Yeah. And yeah, and it’s really easy to get into that pattern, unfortunately.
Well and it’s valid, right? I mean, if you’re single and you don’t like being single, I mean it’s true. You’re not enjoying the experience that you’re having. And so it’s kind of hard to shift out of that. But if you’re going to continually talk about that and that, this is something that I was absolutely guilty of when I was dating is I would get, I’d have a few bad dates, I’d just get sick of the process and just think, you know, why is this not happening already? I don’t, I hate this. And in hating it, I just really kind of dug my heels in and just kept that energy, kept that situation locked in place. And the more I talked about how much I hated it, the more I hated it because what I was focusing on was not liking it. And so that’s all I could see. And I see that with clients quite a bit
and it’s, it what it is, it’s giving you that scarcity mindset, right? It’s like someone who wants to, um, have abundance in their life, right? Like money. And they’re saying how broke they are all the time. Right. And just scarcity mindset.
It’s exactly, yeah, the exactly the same thing. And the more you focus on it, just the worse it gets. Right? Yeah. Right, right. And even if it’s not that bad, when I reflect back on what was happening with me when I was in those situations where I was like, oh, I hate this. I, it wasn’t really that bad, it’s just I had just go out and so invested in the idea that I hated what was happening. There was really not that much happening, but I just, you know, I was thinking about how much I hated it and putting a time limit on when things had to happen. And Yeah. So I can tell you from personal experience, if you’re looking to meet someone and you’re talking about how much you hate being single, they are not going to show up until you stopped doing that. Did you do that at all when you started dating?
Um, I actually was the opposite. I was like, um, because of my marriage wasn’t the healthiest. So I got out and I was just like, oh, I was like a kid in the,
and it’s always like the opportunity everywhere. Yeah,
I was, I just had a, and I love love people and I love to meet people. So I just thought of it as just like a great thing to do. And what’s the harm of just one date even if it doesn’t work out just to meet. So I, I don’t know. I had a really good time, so I had really good experience.
Good, good. Well you were in the right mindset for it then. That’s exactly where I want to get people to be before I send them over to you. You know what I do and I feel so much compassion for my clients who are like, I cannot, like I feel like I’m going to break if there’s just one more bad thing that happens. I have taken too much, suffered too much heartache and had too much disappointment and I just can’t take another second of it. And I absolutely get feeling that way. Um, and that’s a good time to just take yourself out of the game. And, and work on you for a little while. But I also invite people to maybe change the story that they’re telling themselves and instead of talking about how they hate being single all the time, search to look for possibilities of things going right. I mean maybe you have a friend that met somebody great or maybe you have a famous couple that you think their relationship looks really cool. Start to look for examples of positive things happening because we’re always dialing into what we believe is true. So if I believe nothing’s ever going to work out my mind, I’ll just keep looking for examples of that so I have to at least be a little bit. Yeah, absolutely. You have to be open to the idea that it could work out and then we’ll work out right on time.
Right? And at the end of the day, we have no idea how we’re going to meet that special someone. Right. And like you said in the first segment of the show, it’s um, you know, go online dating, hire a matchmaker or even in real life, you know, it can happen. So just be really open
to whatever experience that is. Another block I see with people is that they put really strict guidelines into how things have to happen. So I don’t want to meet anyone online. It has to be organically. Okay, well you’re cutting out a major avenue for connecting with other people when you do that. So then I want to go kind of deeper and see, you know, are you really ready? Is there else going on where if you’re putting up such a big block or I have to meet them in this timeline. Or even some with my younger gals that I work with that are like in their late twenties early thirties they’re like, well we’ve got a date for six months and be engaged after that. And then we’ll get married. But all figured out. Yeah. And when it’s not happening on that time, then they start to get really stressed out. So really quick, the last, the last point that we have, and I think this is the most important out of the five. So take note of this. Have Standards and do not settle for less. Be Clear on what you want and go for that. Make sure that you are always looking to meet your own standards. So Esther Hicks who talks about the law of attraction all the time, says if you want it and expect it, it will be yours very soon.
yeah. Um, I feel like we can fall into patterns that aren’t always healthy. And um, one thing I talk about is to, if, if in doubt is listened to your body, if you’re not being treated well, your body will let you know. So,
so true with pain or sickness or even if you’re just having that emotional response in your stomach that Oh, right, right, right. That is absolutely true. And I think a lot of the disappointment in dating that I see with people is that they have standards and then they have a scarcity mindset and they think, well, you know, I’m 40, so I better drop this and that because who’s going to, you know, and then they are dating people who don’t meet their standards and then they’re disappointed. Well, of course you’re disappointed. You’re not trying to connect with what you’re actually looking for.
No, that’s a really good point. Yeah. Yeah.
When who was an example of somebody that I was working with, it was just continually upset with the person that she was dating. Oh, she didn’t think it was motivated enough and she didn’t like his career. And there was a couple other things that just didn’t, her lifestyle and his lifestyle didn’t really line up. But instead of saying, you know, this is a person that isn’t matching with me, is that what I’m looking for? She just got really set on, it had to be him, but he had to change. So of course she was locked in this struggle cause she’d pay the person that hadn’t met her standards and then decided she wanted to put some energy into changing and man
deal with a client like that.
Well, I mean, I’ve been that person, so I understand what that mindset is like just trying to guide them towards the idea that like there’s a world full of people and we’re not going to be, just because somebody doesn’t meet our standards doesn’t mean they’re a bad person. It just means we might not be compatible with them. And that there is somebody that you actually can be compatible with. So maybe be open to the possibility that that person can show up. Do you ever come across that in your, in your practice with your clients?
I, I haven’t except for the fact, like I was saying before that um, uh, I come in contact with women who’ve had like sometimes not healthy relationships and so they have compromise themselves. Right? Yeah. And um, so it’s kind of, it kind of I guess ties into that self love and self respect also is not settle for less and you deserve to be with a great guy. Yeah. So yeah.
Awesome. Well this has been such an amazing conversation and I’m so excited to keep it going. On the lower Richard Show, we are going to be talking about love dating and relationships for the rest of the year, so we have a lot more tips and advice to give you moving forward. Um, Peggy, thank you so much for being a part of the show. And can you tell our listeners where they can find you?
Oh sure. I can be found at straighttotheheart.net that’s my website. And also I have a podcast, real souls.
Fantastic. And if you’re not quite ready to be matched yet, you can connect with me RicherLove.com or also go to Facebook and like our page to the Laura Richer Show. Thanks so much for listening. Have a great afternoon.