The Laura Richer Show

“When the Soul Is Ready, the Soulmate Will Appear”

Season 2, Episode 4 • February 13, 2019

When the Soul Is Ready, the Soulmate Will Appear — The Laura Richer Show

Welcome to The Laura Richer Show, broadcasting on Transformation Talk Radio. I’m your host dating and life coach Laura Richer. And I’m also the owner of Richer Healing Hypnosis, Reiki and Coaching. I am so excited for today’s episode because we have a special guest. I am welcoming back my co-host from last season. Andi Lucas.

Hell-ooo!

Yeah, so Andi is the owner of Hummingbird Marketing Services, which is a boutique marketing firm that helps small businesses by offering a flutter of creative solutions including my business, Richer Healing. And like I said, she was also our host for last season season as I’m sure you all remember. So welcome to the show Andi. I’m so glad to have you here today.

I’m really, really glad to be back. It’s Valentine’s Day, thrilled to be here. Um, and I’m really excited about our topic today.

Me Too. So it was really important for me to have Andi on the show for this Valentine’s Day eve because she was such an integral part of the creation of my dating program, The Richer Love program and me and Andi are actually the original members of the Sassterhood, which we are going to be talking about a little more later on in the show. Um, and so Andi, I couldn’t think of anyone better to join me today as we talk to all of those ladies that are struggling with dating and just want to find him already.

I completely understand their feeling. And thank you so much for having me back. It’s, it was so fun doing the show with you last year and being a part of it. So thank you so much for having me back. And, um, I am so excited about this program that you put together this 12 week dating intensive called a richer love. And for those who don’t know, could you share with us, could you just explain what this program is? Yes. So my, I have been a coach for many years now, um, and this program, this online dating coach program that I developed, was really born out of my own dating experience. I was single for five years and kind of struggled with dating after I had gotten divorced. Um, and towards the end of my dating journey before I met my person that I’m with now, I really, it all kind of clicked for me and I thought Jesus could have been a lot easier had I got about it a little different way.

And also integrated into that is some of your dating journey, which was why I wanted to have you on the show today. I’m so we were both kind of going through this process at the same time and learning together. So I have developed a 12 week program that teaches women what I learned about dating over a five year period. So you get a crash course and don’t have to do it quite as long as I suffer for five years. That’s okay. And it’s really, um, I think it’s a little different than a lot of dating programs because the first eight weeks of the program is about not dating and actually has some inner work and some healing work so that when you are ready to date and get out there, you’re in a really good place so that you can attract that soulmate sooner than later.

Yes, I think it’s a really fantastic program. Because of that, you also encourage at the beginning to not even be on social media, to just do a cleanse from all of it. Why do you, why is that? Why do you feel like that’s important? You don’t, I did that myself. I had just had have it as I’ve shared many times before. I was just, I had a run of bad dates and it’s still, I wasn’t connecting with the right people and I just felt like my energy was just out of whack. So I wanted to take that time to be off of social media, be off of any dating sites, to just really focus on me and doing my own work and not comparing myself to what anyone else was doing or what was going on in their lives. Cause I, you know, I do think that energetically, sometimes that can really throw us off and then we kind of get into a negative space because we were seeing people have what we want to attract in our lives and it’s not happening right.

And it does. And that what is happening on social media is not always what is really happening. True. Right. So, no one’s gonna Post, my God, I’ve had the worst day ever look at me. My Mascara is running, I’m crying. I just had terrible dates, no one posts, that kind of stuff. I don’t know that I have ever seen anyone post that have, you know, I have not seen that. I’ve only seen all the wonderful things that happen. Oh. And look at this cousin he gave man, everything’s so wonderful. And it’s not, it’s really not accurate. It’s not an accurate portrayal of life. Yeah. And so when you’re struggling to see that, although you do see a cryptic meme every now and again that, you know, something has gone wrong.

But, uh, yes. So, you know, I felt like it was really good to just reset my energy. I took about a month to just do a dating cleanse, social media clubs. I actually did a diet cleanse. Like I was just cleansing everything. Yes. But it gave me the opportunity to just really focus on myself and it, and it worked really well because when I started dating again, I met Travis right away. So yes. Um, that I wanted to put that and I wish I would have done that in the beginning. Just yes. Taking that time to focus on me. So what about you Andi? I want to hear a little bit about your dating journey. Yes. So I, um, I was with somebody for about four years. I’ve mentioned him before many times last season on the show. Um, and it just, it was where I thought I was going.

I thought it was going to get married and we were going to have babies and everything was going to be wonderful. And the truth is the relationship was not perfect at all. It wasn’t working. He was significantly younger than me, like 12 years younger. And so we just weren’t even in the same, same space mentally. Um, he was chronically unemployed. I was always paying for everything. And then now he lives in a van by some kind of waterside. I’m not sure if this is why. Again. Yeah, there, boy, that’s bad boy. Um, after that I was kind of shattered. I went through a serious depression because it wasn’t just letting go of this relationship, but it was letting go of the dream of what I thought my life was going to be. But, uh, so I took about three years off. I just, I couldn’t really date and I did a lot of soul searching.

Um, I, I finally came to admit it took about a year, but what were my responsibilities in the relationship and what was my half of why it went wrong? And I had just picked the wrong person altogether and wasn’t choosing to acknowledge that. So after about three years, then I started dating and that first year of dating I would go into every day like, oh my God, is this going to be my new boyfriend? Is this the one, is this it? And I went in with these outrageous expectations that nobody could ever fulfill and I always left disappointed. Or I would try to pretend that this guy was great and continue going out with somebody. For instance, who let his seven birds fly loose in his house. So there was always bird shit on the floor. I was like, well this could work. I don’t have my, I don’t know, like birds that you know that you’re not a bird person.

Right. So you were overlooking at Ma, you own cats. It, it just wasn’t going to work. That was never going to work. So that was kind of the first year. And then, um, at that point you and I were single and dating at the same time. And while it created a lot of funny stories, we also created our own Sassterhood, which we’ll get to later in the show. But having that support of somebody and then kind of talking through, hey, this isn’t really what you want, Andi, is it? Oh, okay. No it isn’t. So then that last year I kind of went in with different expectations and maybe it was the last six months I went in with different expectations. Like, I’m just here to have fun. Maybe I’ll meet somebody, maybe I won’t. And then I met Zack and it was every, he’s everything that I had hoped for and I went in with absolutely zero expectations.

I had no idea that this would turn into that and it’s, it’s been fantastic, but it did take five years. I’m glad. All the very slow learners and I also a lot of the experiences that you had, you know, I’ve really made note of what we both went through during that five year period so that I can help coach women to not have to have some of these experiences. Because I work with so many women in my business right now and they’re usually really strong career oriented. Our women who totally know how to kick button their careers, but in relationship they just are not able to manifest what it is they’re looking for. And so this, this program is specifically for those women to help them figure out what they can shift so that they can open up to attract in the experience that they really want.

So that, that’s a fantastic cause. I was that person. I had this great career and everything was going well, but I just couldn’t figure that stuff out. So who else is a good candidate for richer love? You know, I think one of the things that really tripped me up was I found myself single at a time in my life when I didn’t expect to be. I got divorced when I was 35. I had never done any online dating. That wasn’t even a thing the last time I had been single. So, um, I really just was kind of clueless about dating. I had actually never even really dated. So, um, so I think for somebody who’s, you know, thirtyish are better, who finds themselves single at a point in life that maybe they didn’t expect to be. Um, I’ve worked with people all the way up into their seventies, so fantastic age doesn’t matter.

Age does not matter. No, not at all. Um, and also, you know, I, I work with a lot of really great women who are feeling like they are ready for love, but it just isn’t happening and they just don’t understand why that is. And usually once we work together, we can kind of zero in on what is there usually is there is a reason why it’s not happening. And that can be all kinds of things. It could just be that you have more healing work to do from past relationships. It could be that you are stuck in a pattern of just choosing the wrong person and you really need to figure out what that’s about. Um, it can, it can just be that you don’t have a clear vision of what you’re trying to create in your life. And so I can help with all of those things.

Yes. So how, how does richer love help women? How does it kind of work if you get to that person where you are zeroing in and it’s, they’re still trying to heal from a past relationship. What happens? So I have the 12 week program has 12 weeks of exercises, coaching exercises, a self hypnosis exercises that really help you do the work. I mean, I’m coming to you in your living room wherever you’re watching your computer and giving you the tools that I use with clients in person. So that they can go through that process. Over the 12 weeks of doing the work of, of healing, of letting go, of creating a vision of who it is they actually are trying to attract, which a lot of times is interesting. Women think they’re looking for a person that actually doesn’t line up with their, their life vision.

So that’s something that we can help work on as well. But I also work with the clients one on one. So we do have three one on one sessions where I work with them and we’re doing work that is specific to what comes up for them. Um, and then there’s a group call component as well, so we can check in with, uh, the group every week and see how everybody else is doing and, and get insights and learn from everybody else’s experiences as well. I love that. I love that you said that there’s the hypnosis aspect and I don’t think, I mean there are, there are other dating programs out there for sure. But yeah, I don’t think a many of them have, you take a dating cleanse to figure out your own stuff. They just kind of push you out there and to the hypnosis aspect.

So can you talk a little bit more about that, cause that’s something unique. You bring that you’re a hypnotherapist. Yes, I am having a therapist and I think a lot of times we think we are wanting to create something in our lives, but there’s some kind of block that we’re not even aware of. So something is going on in the subconscious that is what you’re trying to create. So what I work with clients, I always use hypnotherapy as part of the process, um, to help explore that on a deeper level. What is it that is holding you back? And even in the, in my online program that you have a, you will have each week a different hypnotherapy that you can use that is, is, uh, related to the topic that we’re working on that week to help you go deeper and to find out what is it that is blocking you and this aspect of your life.

So sometimes, you know, like you said, um, in your dating experience, it took you three years to even get to a point where you felt ready to date because there, there was healing that had to happen. There was, and I’m sure during that three years you might move and thought, Gee, I wish I’d meet somebody, but yes, to take this away so I don’t have to think about it anymore. Yeah. Yeah. Isn’t that we wish it could work like, yeah. Yeah. And what do else hears all my problems? Just take it away. Yeah. It was interesting though when I met Zach, so I had taken all that time off and then was just kind of dating. But now I’m in a serious relationship and I found that some of the same issues came up, but because I had spent some time thinking about them and processing them, I was able to, and I chose someone who had emotional intelligence, which is, was rare for me. I had never dated anyone who was emotionally intelligent. Um, we’ll out finally clicked.

We were able to kind of talk through it and I could then process stuff that had been just roadblocks in the past. It was really, it’s really kind of fantastic. I want to ask really quickly so that anyone listening, cause I know there’s lots of people were all snowed in up here in Seattle, so we’re going to get it out of their cars. How do people reach you for the richer love program? So you can go to my website, richer love dot com and just fill out the request for a complimentary consultation. I do an hour free consultation with all potential clients just to see if you are a good fit for the program. Um, and and let you know how it works. Um, Facebook, curious, just go to richer love dot com and you’ll find me there. That’s perfect. I know you’re on Facebook to Richer Love dating program and Instagram richer underscore love.

Yes. So one of the things that you have talked about is really getting clear on who it is that you’re looking for. Right? Like you had just said something that I thought was really good. Sometimes who you’re looking for, it doesn’t really line up with what you think you want. Right. So can you tell us more about that? Yeah, you know, so an example I can give several clients have given me that I’ve worked with over the years is that they’re very attracted to kind of Alpha type males. Like maybe very career driven. Males are very like, you know, whatever. They’re just very focused on themselves and very successful in their own lives and that’s fantastic, right? That’s a great trait to have. However, what they’re looking for is a partnership and a connection and maybe to have a family and so that type of a person may not, that might not line up with what they’re going to be doing in their life.

You know, if they are very career driven and they’re very like pushing their own life ahead and that is their main focus, that while you can appreciate those traits and they’re not a bad person, if your vision is to come together in a partnership and have a family that might not line up with that. And so you might need to open your mind to the idea that somebody else is going to be a better fit than who you thought your type was. Right. That’s really, that is very interesting. And I think back in my own experience I had, I always thought that I wanted this kind of skater rat kind of Tony hawkish guy. Yeah. Well a skater rat isn’t really a provider for a family, no offence Tony Hawk and Tony Hawk is, he did that.

I kind of catch him on the rise up or on their downfall. So, you know, so that wasn’t that the skater rat wasn’t really going to be my type and it just took some time to figure that out. So yeah. Yeah. Or even, you know, and one of my unconscious patterns that I didn’t realize until I had my five years to kind of focus on myself and my own stuff. Although I did clutter that up with a lot of odd dating experiences with us, but um, was, whew, I was always connecting with people who needed help in some sort of way. And I am a therapist and I am a natural helper and I love to do that. And so, and I know how to play that role. I know how to show up and help somebody. What I didn’t realize though that, that that didn’t support my vision and being in a partnership that’s not a partnership, that’s rescue you are rescuing, rescuing. Yeah. So that’s, that’s not a partnership. And so what I really wanted was an equal partner that would support me just as much as I supported them. But I was looking in the wrong places for that. I was looking, you know, connecting with people who, you know, I saw the potential that they might have, which you know, may not have been their vision at all. In fact, I’m sure it was.

No, it’s not. It’s very dangerous to fall in love with someone’s potential. Yes. So when I was really clear on what my vision was for the relationship that I wanted to be in, I started to realize, you know, the, the type of person that maybe I had naturally gravitated to just unconsciously was not going to be a good fit. And so I started to look for the traits of the person that would be a good fit in my life vision. And I actually, uh, when I met Travis, didn’t, you know, I though he’s younger than me and that wasn’t really something that I was looking for. I had never dated anyone younger than me, and that was, you know, kind of, I kind of thought, I don’t know if this is something that could work, but he, I was so clear about what I was looking for and he was all of those things that I was able to identify, well, maybe this isn’t actually an obstacle because he’s checking all of the other boxes of what I’m looking for in a person.

Yeah. It is interesting because you said that that before with the fixing, you weren’t having a partnership. And I, the number one thing I think of when I think of you and Travis is that you guys are such a good team, work so well together and it, it is a true partnership. It’s really, it’s very admirable. I love watching you guys together because you’re so, you, you really compliment each other and, and work so well together. It’s really fantastic. So you had a lot thing that you wanted. Yeah, they did. And we do. I mean, you know, just projects that are always super annoying that you don’t want to do like move and, and things that where you could really be at odds with each other. We have, we are a good team, but that’s because, you know, in the past there was a lot of things I didn’t consider when I’m like, Oh, you know, this guy’s cute and fun.

Sure, why not this and this could work. Yeah. He lives in his car. That’s, he’ll get a house at some point. It’s fine. Um, so, so yeah, so I was the opposite of actually a lot of the clients that I work with where they’re, they’re looking for much more like Alpha type men. I was looking in the other direction and that was, I needed somebody who was a little more in charge of to, to, to be a good fit for me. So it’s different, you know, and that’s why the one on one work comes in and is important is because everybody kind of has a different story. They have different unconscious blocks that are drawing them to situations that might be toxic for them. But we can identify those things and do a little work and let those go. So you can move forward to create what is actually going to make you happy because it’s suits a literally hold to be stuck in a negative pattern and just not understand why it keeps happening over and over.

Yeah. So do a lot of the women that come to you, um, are they just getting out of a toxic relationship? Are they just a maybe a bad marriage? What’s going on with those women and what kind of advice do you have for them? So all types, I have people who have never, even, some people have definitely who are getting out of toxic relationships are our clients that I work with frequently. I also have worked with clients who are frustrated because they’ve never even been in a serious relationship. And so that doesn’t even go that far. And maybe the toxic relationship was actually with their family or with their job or even with themselves, just having some sort of negative belief system about themselves. Um, so it really can be any type of past experience, I would say. Usually I work with women who are out of a, a difficult relationship.

And so what happens with that? Are they, have they tried, have they gone from the toxic relationship and bounced right into the dating world and then they’re freaking out, or what, how does it go? But typically it’s usually on the s it’s usually on the opposite end of the spectrum. Either they are terrified to do anything and they just don’t even want to leave their house or they have jumped right back in. So they’re out of balance usually. And it’s just that there is more healing work that that needs to be done. You know, sometimes if you’ve, especially women who have been in longterm relationships, I’ve worked with a lot of people who’ve married 20, 30 years and now they’re just starting to date. They are trying to establish who they are outside of that relationship because you have to kind of reclaim your identity as, as an individual person again and kind of figure out who you are.

And that takes a little bit of time. Yeah. Or they’re, you know, uh, have a lot of fear they haven’t dated in a long time, but if they get rejected, what if, um, you know, nobody swipes right. You know, all that kind of stuff. So God that fear. Yeah. Yeah. Well, so what, when those, when women are struggling and so they’ve gotten out of this toxic relationship, what are some of the things that will happen when they’re out in the dating world? And what, what kind of advice do you give them? You know, when things kind of go awry, like let’s say they in their past, in their past relationship, they really put up with bad behavior. So I think to be successful in dating and have fun dating, and this is what I learned it over the five year period, is that you have to be confident.

You have to be not attached to the outcome, and you have to be feeling like a whole person. You can’t have this big open wound that you’re hoping somebody else will be the bandaid for. So that’s when you’re, if you’re dating during any of those times that you’re feeling bad about yourself or you’re feeling like you have this wound and I did it, so no judgment, but it’s not going to go well. It’s just so you, you want to be in a place where you’re super confident and unattached. And so that’s, some people will say, well that’s easier said than done, or I think I already feel that way, but I’m still having bad results. If you’re having bad results, if it’s feeling devastating to you, you really need to do that. In our work that I focus on in the first week, first eight weeks of my program to, to be in a place because when you’re confident, it doesn’t really matter.

You could go on a bad date and laugh it off. It doesn’t matter. Exactly. I suggest a date. It is just a date and there’s no reason to be so terrified of it, but when you’re wounded and you’re wondering, is this going to be the person that is going to rescue me from the pain that I’ve been in, or is this finally going to be the person that saves me from all my pattern of toxic relationships? If you’re in that place, it’s, it’s, you’re not going to attract the right people. You’re going to attract people who are in that place too, and then two wounded pieces come together and then we know what happens after that. It’s not good. No. It’s a big festering wound. Yes, exactly. One of the quotes from Rumi that I think you really love and so do I is that your task is not to seek for love but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

Exactly. And that, I mean, and I think that you will say the same when my, when I met Travis I had cleared those blocks so it was like he showed up like magic when that happens. I believe that’s true for everybody. It really is. And there is, you know, there’s people, there’s somebody out there for everyone, you know, and so you just have to be ready, ready for him. And you’ve always said you miss the one. No. And actually a friend of mine said that to me when I’m like, nothing’s working at, Oh maybe I did the wrong thing. Maybe I said the wrong thing and, and you really can’t. I don’t think that you can miss the one. I think if it is suppose, I mean if you’re fighting so hard for something that’s not working, it’s probably not. Not the one. Yeah. So we are going to take a quick break.

Um, and I just want, if you could remind everybody how they can get in touch with you for this incredible richer love dating program. So just go to my website, richer love.com and fill out a consultation consultation form and you know, we can meet and chat. If it’s a good fit, we will get you in the program and get you on the path to attracting your soulmate 12 weeks to love. Yes, let’s do it. All right, so we’re gonna take a quick break. Stay tuned. You’re listening to the Laura Richer show with Laura Richer, um, here on transformation talk radio, stay tuned, act to transformation talk radio. Today’s episode of the Laura Richer Show with Laura richer is all about richer love. My 12 week 12 week dating program for women who have found themselves to be single at a time that they didn’t expect to be. Yay. This is, this is perfect for Valentine’s Day Eve, Aka Gal-entines day.

Yes, yes. And so, and I’m your cohost, Andi Lucas, owner of Hummingbird Marketing Services, co-founder of the Sassterhood, which is finally here. We’re finally going to talk about it, but before we jump in, Laura, please let everyone know how they can find out more information about Richer Love your 12 week dating program. So you can check out my website, Richard love dot com you can find me on social media. I’m on Facebook at Richard Love dating program. Um, I’m on Instagram at richer underscore love chuck those out because Hummingbird Marketing Services has made some lovely posts on my behalf there. And you can also just email me if you have any questions that laura@richerlove.com. Fantastic. So Laura, what is a Sassterhood and why does every single woman facing the dating scene need one? So I am so grateful for you when I was single because you are also single.

And the only other person that I knew that was in the same boat as me and going through online dating, going through online dating. Um, and, you know, we had very similar stories coming out of, uh, relationships around the same age and that were long term relationships and having to figure it, navigate the dating scene in a way that we had never had to before. Um, and so I felt like I was going crazy a lot of the times I would tell my friends and my family, you know, who haven’t been single and 20 days yeah. That what I was going through and they’d, I know that they thought that there was just something wrong with me that this, you know, all seem very bizarre to them. So, you know, and there were, they were right on some level. There were some things that needed to be addressed.

Um, but, but it was great to have you just, just to say like, Hey, I had this horrible experience and we could laugh it off. And, you know, just, just kind of a sounding board because you were going through the same experience and you got it. You knew what was, what it was like on the dating scene in Seattle, uh, which is not always easy. No, it was, it was, you know, you go through runs where you don’t connect with people or you find some bizarre behavior and people and you get to feel like, God, is this me? Is there something wrong with me? So, um, that is what I wanted to, why I wanted to create a Sassterhood, which you came up with that name. Um, I stay in the urban dictionary. The earth. Yes. Yes. Because I, I get the daily dictionary word of the day from the urban dictionary, which I love.

And it was so fitting because let me read what the urban dictionary has to say. A Sassterhood is a group of girls that have been through relationships with D-bags I’m not, and decide to no longer be a rug for them to walk on. They form a group where together they constantly encourage each other to take no stuff from insignificant others that are not worth their time. So that was what we did. We had our own two persons astro hood. So when I was reflecting on my dating experience, I thought that was so important for me to keep my sanity and that’s why I wanted to make that part of the ritual of dating programs. I wanted to have a group component of other of single women who can connect with each other and we can have a weekly call and just chat about what’s going on and give each other feedback so that you don’t feel like you’re losing your mind, that you know that this is just part of the thing.

And it’s also someone to bounce ideas off of because many times if you’re dating and you don’t have friends who are in the online dating world who had been married for 20 years and have no clue about any of it, and now you’re, you’re going to write an online dating profile. Do you have any idea what to say? And unless you go in and pose as a man to see what other women are saying and then try to model it off of that, you have no idea what to say. You don’t know what pictures look the best. You don’t. And so it’s also another way to say, Hey, can you look at this and just give me your honest feedback. And I think many times, uh, it’s difficult. Like if I would show, my sister is always very, very honest with me and so she was able to say, Hey, these pictures are not very flattering or this doesn’t look right or whatever.

But in writing the profile, I don’t, I didn’t know what to say. So it really helped to have you look at it, um, to have other people just give, you know, to just get some advice on it and not feel like I was doing everything by myself. Not feel like I’m totally alone. And that is something that we will do. We will give you feedback on your online profile and in terms of your pictures and how you’re representing yourself. I know when I first wrote an online dating profile, I wanted it now and like I was fun or interesting or I don’t know what I was trying to portray what my thought process was. But you would have read that thing and thought that I was like the most athletic sports freak, which is so far actually I have no idea what’s going on in sports.

Um, I am, no one has ever described me as athletic so, so it’s good to have some feedback to go like, yeah, you’re going to attract the wrong person to you. You’re going to attract somebody who thinks it written for football season with him when in fact you are not going to be able to watch that for more than 10 minutes. Exactly. Yeah. So I think that’s a whole other aspect of it. And then just kind of having that support system for when you come home and you’ve had a really just not good date and it’s like what am I crazy did, did I say something wrong? Or or whatever. Just somebody. So not only is there the group coaching part of it, but there’s also the closed Facebook group where you can post. So if something comes up before that group call or in that week during it, you can still post there and we can all be your source of support during that to kind of bounce these things off.

Like it is kind of crazy out there. It can be crazy. And you’ve run across, you run across some interesting fellows. No, I don’t think you’ll mind if I share some of your stories, but this leads our sisterhood. A connection with so important. I remember that you called me or text me when somebody had let you know two hours prior to your date that they were canceling because they were on another date that was so good that they can get was going so well. I just have to see this through, but take care of him. He was like, that is sober. Two hours. So you booked to date? Our date was at 2:00 PM yeah. Yeah. Wow. That was he just trying to, so in that moment, I know that you felt frustrated and we talked it through and you were, and we identified that actually he didn’t really even, you already knew before that you, that wasn’t the right match for you really wasn’t just even based on his profile, but I was letting, I was willing to let it so many things go because I thought, well, I just have to, I’ll just, I’ll just give it a try.

I was echoing my mom’s voice. They’re like, oh, well, I’ll just give it a shot. Yes, please. Yes. Um, another time that it was really, really important that I had you there to kind of talk through is that I had started dating somebody who didn’t, he wasn’t really what I was looking for, but he was so different from anybody else because he was gainfully employed. He was very giving and, and thoughtful and everything. But he, I, because I was seeing those nice qualities, I was failing to see that he was all over it and wanted to after the third date, wanted to be exclusive on the, and I was like, oh, okay. On the fourth date he, I was making dinner, he came over and brought all of this stuff, like three bags of stuff that he was like essentially kind of moving in. I was so overwhelmed.

I called you and I said, I think I have made a terrible decision and you kind of walked me through letting him know, look, this is not okay, this is too soon. I have been single for too long to suddenly go from zero to 60 and or done here. Well and that was such a red flag, um, for you. And I think a lot of, and that’s the other thing that this astro hood can really help you with. Cause sometimes we get ourselves and we’re like, is this a red flag or am I being too picky or you know, and, and you can get some feedback that, you know, yes as somebody tries to move in. In fact on your third date it is, it is red, a red flag. That is a very, very big red flag that was waving. I think it had lights on it like yellow don’t do this or, and I can’t I, and maybe it’s just selective memory.

I can’t think. I know that you talked me through bad dates that I went on and mishaps that happened where I was like, God, is there something wrong with me? And sometimes you’re like, yeah, that, you know, this is not what you’re looking for or your, your uh, trying to be somebody that you’re not or you know, so it was helpful to get that feedback. I think you even texted me from a bar one night and you’re like, yeah, this guy confirmed but he’s not showing up. Yes. And he didn’t, he didn’t, he, and then he kept moving it back, moving it back and it was just like, okay, I’m done here. I’m done. I’m done. Waiting around. There was another time that I rescued you from someone. I actually came to the date to help you out of it. He had been out drinking on a boat all day and then had the date scheduled and showed up and was blind drunk and actually passed out at the table while we were.

Yes. And so unfortunately, I don’t know if I can offer that service through my program where I go directly to the bar to save you. But I can certainly offer you some resources if you just hop on that Facebook page and get you out of a bind. So here’s a good question. Like, we were talking about this. Why isn’t it just like, I have a group of friends, why can’t they just be my Sassterhood? You know? I mean, we all do have w but at this point in our lives, you know, when I was dating in my late thirties and early forties that, um, my, a lot of my friends hadn’t been single in years. You know, he hadn’t been single since we were in college or in our early twenties. So while they were supportive and they, they cared about me and they were just there to listen, like they didn’t get it.

They hadn’t had this experience. Like I said before, I would tell people what was going on and I think that they thought that just somehow I was doing something wrong on every date I went on. And so while it was true that there was some healing work that I needed to do, um, at the same time it was just like, you know, online dating is a different world than what it was like when you just met your boyfriend in college. Exactly. I think also sometimes they give you maybe terrible advice friends do because they don’t want to hurt your feelings. Yup. He’s just, he’s intimidated by you Laura. That’s why he didn’t call you back. Yeah. So you should give them another chance. Yeah. He just loves you. He likes you too much. He can’t handle it. Yeah. That is worst advice anyone could give it.

He likes you too much. That’s why he’s not, I mean, I remember watching sex in the city and they, they kind of played on that idea of he’s just not that into you. And Miranda finally got it. Why the guy didn’t want to go up to her apartment with her afterwards and somebody else was dating somebody who said, well, he’s just not into you. If, yeah, if he was, he would’ve gone. Nothing would stop a man from going up to an a woman’s apartment if he’s invited. So I think that having that honesty, but she got it from a friend’s boyfriend, you know, so cause we don’t want to hurt our friend’s feelings. I certainly, you know, being part of the sassterhood is all about being kind and respectful and supportive not harsh, but at the same time it’s about being honest and saying yes. You know, if this person doesn’t return your texts for three days, they’re probably not into, everyone has time to return a text if they’re so busy with work that they can only fit you in, we not, you know, they’re leaving the bar at around 11 o’clock.

They’re not into you. And so it’s, it’s good to get some of that feedback. I love this quote from the book. He’s just not that into you. Oh yes. Greg. And then this is where a lot of things go wrong. He said, let’s start with this t statistic. You are delicious. Be Brave. My sweet, I know you can get lonely. I know you can crave companionship and sex and love so badly that it physically hurts. But I truly believe that the only way you can find you can find out that there’s something better out there is to believe there’s something better out there. What other choice is there? Exactly. So I, I mean I love how that, that just sums up why people tolerate bad behavior is you just want something that come together. You just want to find your soul mate, but you have to be ready for them and you need to not settle for less than what you’re looking for.

That is never going to make you happy. Exactly. It absolutely will not. Yeah. Um, so let’s talk about another quote that you’ve brought up to me that is one of your least favorite quotes, but a lot of women tend to use it as an empowerment quote. This is that cryptic meme that I was referring to that you see. You know, something that’s gone awry when somebody posts this quote on their Facebook page and do you have it written there? I don’t know if I have. Anyways, Marilyn Monroe, he says, if you can’t take me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best. Yes. And so I love all the magnificence that is Marilyn Monroe. However, I think that we probably can see that she was a pretty wounded, emotionally unstable individual. And so I’m sure she had a lot of difficult moments. And that’s not who you want to be when you’re dating.

You want to, you want to be. And yes, we all have a bad day and we all get sick and you know, we want our partners to get for us. But if you’re looking for people who will connect with you when you were wounded and, uh, engaging in negative behavior, that person is also going to be wounded, engaging in negative behaviors that is not, you know, if you’re going out getting too drunk saying the wrong things, being a hot mess person, you’re going to attract you during that time. I promise you, you do not want to date that person. Know they’re going to be saying they’re going to do the same thing. You’re going to get drunk and say the wrong things and do the wrong things. It’s just not going to work. You say, what is it that you say about being a mirror? That we reflect the relationship, who we are and how we’re feeling.

Yes. Are Real. Our relationships mirror back to us where we’re at with ourselves. So if you have a lot of, uh, negative relationships in your life, especially the ones that you’re choosing, you know, sometimes with family and career, we don’t get to choose those relationships. But if you show, you know, you’re the people that you’re dating, there’s a lot of toxic behavior and negativity. You need to look at yourself and see what is it about me, what’s going on right now that is attracting these situations to me? And that is a hard mayor to look in. We do not want to always look in the mirror. No, we don’t. And that’s something that the Sassterhood we’ll do is yeah, maybe sometimes hold that mirror up and say, hey, wait a minute. You know, what’s, what’s going on here? I think another thing, um, that in the program you ask a women to write down kind of their list of who they’re looking for, what is kind of their ideal relationship and who do they want to be?

What is this, what are the values that this person has, not just what are the interests of this person has and what was the relationship dynamic be like? So this is a map, an exercise. There’s a really great book that I recommend everyone in my program to read called the soulmate secret by Ariel Ford said Ariel Ford, probably , sorry. Anyway, so in this book that, that was an exercise that she said to do is to sit down and to make your list as specific as you possibly can of who are you looking for? And it wasn’t meant to be specific in a superficial way. Like, you know, he needs to be six, two and, and drive a Mercedes or something. It was more about Lena, what are the traits and the qualities of a person that I would like to be with. And then the next piece of it is to say, what is my vision for the relationship?

So that’s going back to the example I used earlier. You know, if you are like, I want to really like aggressive Alpha male career oriented, go get her guy, but then I want to live a quiet life in the country with my family. These are not lining up right now, or maybe they can under the right circumstances, but typically, yes. You know, I may not. Yeah. So I’m just kind of getting some clarity about what you’re looking for. So for me personally, uh, I don’t know how this happened and I was never, I always liked somebody who was really charming and charismatic and social and outgoing because those are all traits that I don’t see in myself. And so I admire those traits in other people. Um, and that’s great. And I still admire those traits and other people. However, that’s not the right fit for the relationship I want to be in.

So I always want it to be in a connected relationship where we were kind of each other’s best friends and we did most things together and you know, we’re, you know, kind of a family unit. But then I would date these really like outgoing, extroverted guys who were always in kind of like a bromance type situation where their primary relationship is with their buddies. And so while I appreciated those qualities, I started to learn like that that person is not going to line up with what I’m trying to create in my life. That’s very true. Yeah. So what I like about the program too is that then you have them send that list, that list of what they’re looking for and what these qualities are to the Sassterhood so that what we can help check in, hey, wait a minute. You’re going out in the state and you’re, you’re really liking the sky, but wait a minute, none of this is lining up.

Right. And it can kind of help them stay on track because it can be easy to, to fall off. I remember I, there was somebody I had all this chemistry with and I just thought he was the bees knees. I was borderline obsessed with this person and you were able to stop me and say, now wait a minute, this guy doesn’t know your last name. He left pretty self involved like you were looking at. We looking for a partner and this guy was looking for a fan. Exactly. And uh, he found one, he found an adoring fan. He then he also had yet to file the paperwork to say he was separated but yet filed the paperwork for the divorce out of his 20 year marriage that had two children. He, you were able to say to me, look, he is not ready. This is not somebody you want to get involved when with I chose to ignore and then it came crashing down on me.

He wasn’t ready to date. No. So yeah, no, and he wasn’t even, you know, he didn’t meet the, the criteria of what you were looking for. And this is so, and I hope this doesn’t, it’s giving us feedback. People aren’t going to go, well I won’t want to be in a part of a group. Like this is going to tell me to not date anybody. But it’s just to, you know, it’s actually to help support you in moving you in the direction that you’re trying to go and get that chemistry can throw. I met some people that I had a good connection with that I thought were attractive and it really made me go, oh well maybe I can let go of, I can negotiate what I’m looking for here. But in the end that doesn’t, I mean you could do that as long as you want.

And I did that for a couple of years, but it never led me to what I wanted, which was a soul mate relationship. Yes, exactly. So I just want, we only have a few minutes left and there’s a couple of things that you have. You kind of have a list of who is this program perfect for? And I had just have a couple of them that I think are really fantastic. So have you ended a significant relationship and find yourself dating at an age you thought you’d be settled and not dealing with this anymore. Yes. Richard Love is perfect for you. That is probably the majority of the women that I work with. Yeah. Do you believe that there are, there’s no one out there who’s going to work for you. All the good ones are taken or there’s only geeks and losers left. Yes. Richer love is for you yet. Yes. Uh, just low self worth and or low self esteem.

Continue to show up in your relationships where you’re accepting table scraps, accepting things that you would never accept from a best friend. You wouldn’t allow a best friend to treat you that way, but you’re letting this person you richer. Love is for you. Yup. Self love is the answer to all of our problems. It’s so corny, but it is the truth. If you can really love yourself, all of these problems go away. Exactly. Um, have you settled for men who don’t meet your expectations and then feel really let down. That’s a big one. And Are you unclear or unsure of what you are actually looking for? You know, and the the not settling for settling for people that don’t meet your expectations. I feel like that does come up with a lot of like the career women that I work with and I just want to say is just because you can do everything doesn’t mean that you should, yes, still are probably wanting an equal partner even though you can do it all yourself.

I know you can. You already are. Um, but, and then the other thing is that you don’t want to manage your relationship. You don’t want to man, you know, like you would employees manage it into, you know, project onto what you want to be and then manage somebody into the role you envisioned for them that that does, that might work at work, but it doesn’t work in relationships. Yes. That is so true. Just because you can do it all, it doesn’t mean that you have to or that you should. And so that’s another one. Are you a single professional woman who has a successful career? A great group of friends. And a really busy life, but you just are missing that love relationship. Then Richard loves for you. So really quick, can you tell, can we just overview what is involved in this program? Cause I think it is so robust and so fantastic.

I wish it had been available for me five years ago. We probably wouldn’t have been seniors or five years has this available. Um, so it is a 12 week program. It’s a coaching module once a week with a workbook of exercises for you to be engaged in the pro, the healing work and the processing work, the whole 12 weeks. Um, it also includes three one on one sessions with me where we can do work specific to you and what your specific challenges are and I can work with anybody in the country or world for that matter. I’m all sessions were done over zoom like we are today for our region, those um, and it also includes access to the group call each week with the Sassterhood, the closed Facebook group. Anytime if you’re getting stood up, you can under contact us right away. We’ll be there. Um, and it, the most important pieces is the hypnotherapy.

I think that that’s what really makes this program stand out as that you can really explore in a deep level what your unconscious blocks are, clear them so you can create the relationship you really want. And they’re about like what, 10 to 15 minutes a piece. Yes. Just sitting and listening and getting very comfortable and relaxed to really delve deep into what you’re looking for. Yeah. And the video modules, those are, I mean it, it’s, it, it’s intense work that people are doing for themselves. Yeah. The, the video modules are about 10 minutes of content usually each week. Some are a little more than that, but it’s, I’m talking you through the exercises and that is where it all, all the good stuff is. So you’d be able to engage in the exercises each week that you need to do. And I have specifically chosen each week to build on the previous week to where you get to the end that you are ready to date and have a fantastic already out there.

Yeah. Ready for love. Yeah. So, um, before we close, and again, thank you so much for having me here on Gal-entines, single square inch of back candy. It’s so fun. I love it. Remind everyone how they can get in touch with you for the richer love dating program. So just go to Richer love dot com and fill out a consultation forum and we can chat and see if this program would be a good fit for you to get you on your way to connecting with your soul mate. You can also find me at the Richard Love dating program on Facebook, the richer underscore love, uh, at Instagram. And Yeah, just I would recommend filling out a consultation form or we can chat and I can talk to you one on one and see if this is a good fit for you. But there’s no reason that single ladies listening now can’t be in a happy love, like a happy, fulfilling, nurturing love relationship that they want next year at this time if they connect with you now.

Yes. So if you’re sick of being single, just give us a call. Richer love.com. Fantastic. Well, thanks for having me, Laura. This was a fantastic show. I can’t wait to listen to the next one or maybe come back again on the laura richer show. Thank you. Thanks so much Andi and Andi, tell everybody where they can find you because the has helped me launch and market this program and it’s, I’ve got all my beautiful social media posts, and so if you have your own business, you might want to reach out to Andi. Yeah, I am at hummingbirdmarketingservices.com and you can find me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter, all of that stuff, but just hummingbird marketing services.com uh, you can’t miss us, so thank you so much for having me. Everybody have a happy Valentine’s Day. Here’s to love.